It’s that time of the year again. Another Premier League season has come and passed us by, pundits all over the country are reviewing the season but the only review you need is GRM’s Team of The Season. Last year you guys loved our first ever “If rappers were footballers” see here, so we thought we’d give it another shot. The aim is to review artists “season” August to May and compare it to the footballer who’d be in the relevant position.
Let’s kick things off.
GK: Stefflon Don / Hugo Lloris
Steff has had an incredible season. There was plenty of buzz around here name last year but she’s really come to the fore this season. In mid-July, during pre-season, we got the collab “London” with Jeremih and it had everyone vibing. The “Real Ting” mixtape followed in early January as well as a video by the same name, a remix featuring Giggs and the 16 Shots video which currently sits on nearly 6 million views in 3 months. As well the singles, the tape gave us street banger “Envy Us” which we still think needs a visual and Steff also dropped a COLD verse on “Money Affi Mek” from the NewGen tape. I’ve placed Steff in goal because if you’ve ever seen her Live, she can MOVE and it’s imperative your goalkeeper can fly across goal to make fingertip saves.
As for my footballing GK of the season, it has to be Hugo Lloris, Tottenham conceded the least goals, Lloris came 2nd in the race for Golden Glove and as a “sweeper keeper” the French goalie often sets up Tottenham attacks and is imperative to the way they play.
CB: Kojo Funds / Cesar Azpilicueta.
East London has had a fantastic season and none more so than Kojo Funds. He started the season strongly in August with his bro Yxng Bane on Fine Wine, followed that with My 9ine before making his move to the reigning Champions GRM Daily where he dropped the track of the year “Dun Talkin“, “Warning“, “Fear No One” as well as cold verses on Juls “Bad” and Mabel’s “Finders Keepers”.
I’ve placed Kojo Funds in the place of Chelsea centre back Azpillicueta who is only the 4th man in Premier League history to play every single minute of a title-winning campaign and for me Kojo has dropped the most bangers through the year, you will not have gone a week without hearing a Kojo Funds song in the club.
CB: Dave / Toby Alderweireld
Next up, we have possibly the most exciting lyricist in the country. What a year it has been for Dave. He ended last season strongly with “Thiago Silva” but just missed the cut. However, he wasn’t wasting any days this time round, his season kicked off in late September with “Wanna Know” which may have come as a surprise to some, little did we know Dave may have just dropped the catchiest hook of the year. A Drake co-sign in the form of a remix followed as well as multiple occasions of affiliation throughout the season. His debut EP “Six Paths” followed and wow what an incredible of work displaying an understanding of music way beyond his age. Videos for tracks off his EP such as “71” and “Six Paths” followed. Then came the HUGE one, “Samantha” which currently sits on 15 MILLION views and 101k likes on YouTube, incredible numbers. Dave wrapped up his season with “Revenge”. All in all, it was an incredible season for Dave who also embarked on a tour in America with his good friend AJ Tracey. The frightening thing is, there’s so much more to come.
I’ve drawn comparisons between Dave and Tottenham centre-back Alderweireld due to the methodical way in which they both approach their respective art. As a centre back TA has received only THREE yellow cards in 52 games this season which goes to show just how clean and efficient he is as a defender. Toby breaks the mould as a centre back in a similar way to which Santan Dave breaks the mould for what we expect from a young man in his first proper year as an artist.
RB: Abra Cadabra / Kyle Walker
Mr Man Don’t Talk Man Rob himself. On reflection, it’d be unfair, to sum up Abra’s season with his “Robbery (Remix” alone but it’s just SO big. The top comment on the video reads “Abra Cadabra skipped way too many levels and evolved into Ala-kazam” and whilst hilarious, it’s hard to disagree with that. Abra firmly put his name on the map with ONE song. The thing is, nobody ever thought he’d be a one-hit wonder, he just had it. A hard “Pick Up The Phone” remix with Belly Squad followed as well as tunes with Ounto Nation brothers, Ekeno & Kush on “Chattin” and ” Do The Roads” respectively. He also featured on “Dun Talkin” giving him two of the top five songs from 2016 on anyone’s list. Verses on Steel Banglez “Money”, Lethal Bizzle’s “Round Here (Remix)” and Belly Squad’s “Like That (Remix) also helped contribute to his place in the team of the season as did respective Rated & MOBO Award wins. His latest release “My Hood” with Sneakbo just hit a million views in a month and is bound to carry on flying. Abra’s certainly carrying the flag for Tottenham at the moment as he continues to bring through the whole of his Ounto Nation brothers and long may it continue.
Kyle Walker racked up the most assists from a defender this season as he continued to fly the wing, to be honest, I put Abra as right back because of the fact that a) The Tottenham connection and b) The sight of Abra flying up and down the wing made me laugh way more than it should’ve.
LB: MoStack / Marcos Alonso
MoStack’s consistent ability to make bangers is SCARY. He warmed up in pre-season with “On My Ones” featuring Mist. “Liar Liar” followed in September and just absolutely FLEW with 9 million views to date. A cold remix followed and then came the 3 bangers that I think really defined MoStack’s season. First came “Block Popping”, then came “Let It Ring” and closing the season was “Ussy Ussy”. 3 singles which perfectly demonstrate MoStack’s uniqueness, from the bars to the flow to the instrumental. His mixtape “High Street Kid” is bound to be the soundtrack to the summer if previous releases are anything to go by.
I’ve compared MoStack to Marcos Alonso because like the Chelsea left-back hes quietly efficent and consistent without getting the relevant credit for it.
CM: Giggs / N’Golo Kante
What else can be said about Giggs? I’m not even going into much detail about why Giggs is in the team of the season, it’s pretty self-explanatory. After years of consistency and graft, Giggs has fully cemented himself as one the countries greatest artists, across ANY genre and you’ll find it difficult to find a person alive who’s not happy for the Landlord.
I’ve placed Giggs in Kante’s position because they’ve both had more than one amazing season and the fact that they both just do their job. Kante does what he has to, excellently at that and goes home. Giggs makes music, kills shows and feeds his family. Neither of them cares too much about press and politics. They just want to win and be the best.
CM: AJ Tracey / Dele Alli
AJ Tracey had a good 15/16 season but really kicked on this season. He featured on an A$AP Rocky track in September, “Buster Cannon” in October, “Pasta” in November, “Lil Tracey EP” and “Daily Duppy” in December and “Luke Cage” video in February. It’s fair to say AJ’s been working. His Lil Tracey EP was well received and had plenty of grime bangers on there, including “Capri Sun” ft. Chip. He also picked up the Rated Award for “Best Breakthrough” in September. All in all a good season for young AJ and you already know there’s plenty more to come.
What a season Alli had, the goals and assists speaks for themselves and he only just turned 21! Both love Tottenham, both are light skin and both are the brightest young talents in their field.
RM: Mist / Kevin De Bruyne
I keep saying this and it’s ultimately the reason they’re on this list but WOW what a year Mist had. He gave us a sign of things to come at the end of last season with “Karlas Back” but exploded in 16/17. He dropped an EP in late September as well “Ain’t The Same” visuals in October which was played EVERYWHERE and is due to hit 10 million views very soon. “Madness” followed around Christmas time before we were treated to “Hot Property” in March which was accompanied with amazing visuals. His relationship with Steel Banglez has been incredibly fruitful and benefited them both greatly. The rate at his which views flood in is amazing and unprecedented bar a few other artists. His manager Guv is also very savvy and with that team behind him, it leaves no doubt in my mind that Mist is set to reach even greater heights.
I matched Mist with a footballer of the highest calibre, Kevin De Bruyne. His 18 assists mean he has once again posted ridiculous numbers and with them both being the only non-Londoners on the list, the pairing made sense.
LM: J Hus / Eden Hazard
Hustla Baby! He nearly missed the cut but with his album dropping just in time, J Hus takes his deserved place in the team of the season. After many months out of the game, Hus returned to the scene with a hypnotic track titled “Did You See that has invaded the mainstream. With just one song, the buzz for his debut album “Common Sense” went through the roof. It didn’t disappoint. You could quite easily say there’s not a bad song on there and it’s going to be played by most all through the summer. Hooks on Stormzy & Nines album as well as remix verses for MoStack and Fekky kept us fed whilst we waited for the album. Welcome back, Hus.
I’ve given Hus a place on the left wing like Eden Hazard. Both had a quiet term last season but were back to their absolute best in 16/17. Both approach their respective fields with fun, a sort of shackles are off approach and for that they have to be commended.
ST: Stormzy / Harry Kane
Like Giggs, there is not much else that can be said about Stormzy which hasn’t already been said. What an absolute animal, with a Little Mix feature still to come, Stormzy’s stock just continues to rise to levels we simply have not seen before. He’s borderline a household name and that in itself is a remarkable achievement.
I’ve put him in place of Harry Kane because neither of them was ever meant to make it per say. Then after Kane’s first season, he was labelled a “one season wonder’ similar to the thoughts a few had after “Shut Up”, yet they’ve both gone on to become the UK’s brightest hopes and biggest stars.
ST: Nines / Alexis Sanchez
It’s hard to review Nines on a week by week basis, as he arrives, fucks up the game and disappears for 10 months. This one was slightly different, he signed a deal, it was a label release, a debut album, the pressure was on. Boy, did he deliver. “One Foot Out” was a superb album, showcasing Nines lyrical ability with the punchline as well was his ability to make smash songs, all whilst making it seem relatively effortless. “Trapper Of The Year” kicked off his season, whilst “High Roller” further solidified it. He may not drop every month but when he does, it’s epic.
Alexis Sanchez offered a fantastic return this season with 24 goals and 10 assists from a combination of centre forward and left wing. Apart from a little dip towards the last hurdle, the Chilean was consistently Arsenal’s best player. Ultimately, Arsenal didn’t make the top 4 so the season has to be marked as a failure but Sanchez did himself so no harm with a superb showing in 16/17.
