News 8 February 2017
Author: Trudy Barry

I’ve Got A Mate Volume 11: Open relationships & open sex

Author Trudy Barry
8 February 2017

I’ve Got A Mate is your new go-to place for all advice love/sex/relationship related. If you’ve got a mate who’s having issues, drop us a tweet with the hashtag #AskTrudy, but don’t expect the response you want to hear.

Dear Trudy

I’ve got a mate who’s having commitment issues with the guy she’s dating. Basically shes never been very good at relationships purely because she struggles to stay faithful. She just loves sex and if she sees a guy she finds attractive she just has to go for it, even if it’s just to prove she can get any guy she wants.

Anyway, she’s been dating this guy casually for like three months but now he’s saying he wants the to be exclusive. She has no problem with calling this guy her boyfriend as she really likes him, but she doesn’t want to be tied down. She wants to suggest an open relationship but isn’t sure how to go about it. Any advice?

Oof this one is complicated. Traditionally it’s easy to shun the open relationship but in this modern age maybe that’s the only way we can ever hope to stay with someone longer than it takes for the first person to cheat?

Honestly it’s unlikely that your mate’s man will be into it, especially at first. But maybe once she explains that it also means he gets to f-ck whoever he wants, he might start to come around. Really though, if he isn’t into it then maybe she needs to move on. If she stays faithful when she’s not feeling it, that relationship is going to turn real toxic real fast.

Dear Trudy,

I’ve got a mate who has some slightly extreme tastes in the bedroom. He likes things that may be not to everyone’s liking, but you can’t help what you’re into, right? One of the things he likes is having sex outside and in public places. He’s lost girls over this in the past and he’s recently started seeing a new girl and wants to introduce her to this world. What if she’s not into it though? He’s met girls that are into it before but he feels like this one might be a bit uptight. How can he broach it without scaring her off?

Okay first of all, just because a girl isn’t into f-cking in a car park that doesn’t mean she’s uptight. She’s just not into the same things that you are. That being said, outdoor sex is pretty much standard play these days. To be honest I’m surprised he’s having so many issues finding girls that are into it.

My advice, maybe just let it be a spontaneous thing, rather than trying to plan it out. Things can get a bit awkward when you’re like ‘hey wanna bang in the alley?’ and she’s not into it. And if that doesn’t work out for him he can always cash me outside, how bow dah?