News 4 January 2017
Author: Trudy Barry

I’VE GOT A MATE VOLUME 6: Sex dolls & Uck Queen

Author Trudy Barry
4 January 2017

I’ve Got A Mate is your new go-to place for all advice love/sex/relationship related. If you’ve got a mate who’s having issues, drop us a tweet with the hashtag #AskTrudy, but don’t expect the response you want to hear.

Dear Trudy


I’ve got a mate who’s got the maddest problem. She lives with her man and the other day she was cleaning the yard. Everything was calm until she looked under the bed and found a sex doll! We’re talking a full blown inflatable gyal, anatomically correct and all.


Obviously she’s freaked out but she doesn’t want to talk to him about it. She thought she knew this guy but she obviously doesn’t. She’s worried that talking will start a huge argument that finishes things between them, so should she just keep quiet?


This is actually jokes. Sorry, but I’m creasing over here. Honestly I’m mixed with what to tell you, babes. It all depends on how secure your mate is – both within the relationship and as a woman. I can get why she’s tripping, the idea of your man slipping it to a Barbie is hardly the most romantic picture, but would she rather he had a real side piece?


End of the day if she’s unhappy she’s got to confront him about it, and just pray he doesn’t choose the doll over her. Sh-t, tell her to hold the doll’s hand for moral support if she’s nervous.


Dear Trudy


I’ve got a mate with a big, big problem. He’s got a wifey and he loves her, she’s a rider for real. Only problem is she hates giving blows jobs. This is the kind of girl you spend forever with, but man’s got needs init. Thing is, he knew he couldn’t go pick up some next chick because it would end up getting back to his girl.


One of his other boys put him onto this chick who sorted him out for a fee. Now he sees this girl is going viral on Snapchat by the name Uck Queen. He thought it was jokes at first till he realised she had her phone out when he was with her. He’s real worried about losing everything. What should he do?


Your mate is f-cked, bredda. For real. No winning this one. The way the Uck Queen is moving, you know it’s only a matter of time before she starts exposing these donnys. And so she should! Sounds like your mate really loves his wifey, yet he’s willing to risk it all for a shines? Wasteman.


I guess if your boy actually needs advice here’s what he needs to do: get down on his knees and pray that everyone forgets about the Uck Queen and this whole thing dies down before he gets exposed. Pretty sure he’s done for though, soz.


One thing I have to know, is your mate the man that likes ears?