News 26 August 2016
Author: Marisa Lee

President Mugabe is going to arrest his WHOLE Zimbabwean Olympic team

Author Marisa Lee
26 August 2016

Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe has demanded the arrest of the Zimbabwean Olympic Team, who he referred to as “rats”, for not winning any medals at the Rio Olympics.

The President met with the commissioner general of Zimbabwe’s police, Augistine Chihuri, and asked him to arrest and hold the whole Olympic Team as they arrive at the Harare International airport.

Unfortunately for Mugabe, of the 31 athletes Zimbabwe took to the Olympics, the closest any came to winning was in 8th place.

Disappointed in their failure, Mugabe stated,

We have wasted the country’s money on these rats we call athletes. If you are not ready to sacrifice and win even copper or brass medals (referring the 4th and 5th positions) as our neighbours Botswana did, then why do you go to waste our money.”

“If we needed people to just go to Brazil to sing our national anthem and hoist our flag, we would have sent some of the beautiful girls and handsome guys from University of Zimbabwe to represent us.”

He then concluded with a weird metaphor for the situation before demanding the athletes pay him “soft loans”.

“This situation is like an impotent man who is married to five women, what is the essence? I will make sure we share the cost across board for all of them to pay back to government chest even if it takes 10 years to recoup, now it turns out to be a soft loan we have given them to go and visit Brazil as tourist, they are useless.”